Questions...

What have I done wrong ?
Would you mind if I died ?
Why don't you care about me ?
How could you do this to me ?
Why am I suffocating ?
Why did you leave me in silence ?
why do you always tell me what you wanna hear ?
Why did fate deceive me ?
Where is my angel ?
Why can't I breathe ?
Do you hear me shout ?
Why can't I forgive you ?
Why did everything turn out so wrong ?
Has darkness taken over me ?
How can you be so blind ?
Can heaven be so cruel ?
How can blood be our salvation ?
What's the reason of all this ?
Why can't I just forget ?
Why am I always scared ?
Why does it hurt so much ?
Where did you go ?
Why am I here, left in silence ?
Why am I so sorry ?
Why am I fading away ?
How could you do this to me ?
Why have I got only frozen memories of you ?
Why can't you just be straight up with honesty ?
Why have I lost all my trust ?
Why am I still calling your name trough my tears ?
Can anybody help me make things better?
Why can't we be together ?
Why can't you love me ?
How could you leave me that way ?
Why haven't I got the strenght to face the wrong that I've done ?
Why do frozen tears turn into my skin ?
What can I do ?
Why is my heart so cold ?
Why is the frost in my heart ?
Why ?

There are questions...
Far too much questions...
Where are the answers ?
I can't find them ...

Blame... excuses... agony... sacrifice... mortal soul... lies... regrets... pain... mistakes... sorrow... fear... frozen... blood... anger... betrayal... guilty... shame...

Orchidée noire

Bother

Wish I was too dead to cry
You don't need to bother
I don't need to be
Wish I was too dead to care
Wish I'd died instead of lived

Freak...Fake...Nothing

Where has my heart gone ?
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
I want to go back to believing in everything
I turn and I can see darkness. I am in a void between the two. Between the darkness and the white of the light. Slowly the white turns red, then also turns to darkness.
I am alone.

I feel panic rising inside me. I am in the darkness all alone. Abandoned. I can't remember who I am supposed to be anymore.
I remember a shadow, of who I once was. I am not that anymore. I am something or someone else.

Out of the darkness comes a blond child. She holds a golden sphere in her arms. Inside the sphere I see all my happy moments, all happiness I have experienced. Slowly the sphere and the child disintegrate into dust, into nothing.

Again, alone. the darkness is like a blanket, but it's not warm and it holds no comfort. from the darkness come the figures.
They are red. They surround me. From every side, they bring pain. Millions of small moments of pain and helplessness all experienced at once. They grow and everything is red. I feel the scream building up inside of me. It's inside of me. Like a wild animal. I release it into my pain.

So much pain. I can't take the pain.
Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away
Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
It just won't fade away
Pain is so much. The pain is what I am. I have let it consume me.
I am back in the void. Cold and dark. Alone. feeling only pain.

I am alone. I made myself alone. I pushed people away. I see their shadows in the back of mind. I see them turning and walking away from me. I feel their disgust, hatred, disapointment, regret and sorrow. It adds to my pain. Makes it greater. They could have saved me. I drove them away. Can't save myself.
I feel the air rush past me. I'm falling now. Falling hard and fast. I wonder when I'll land. I wonder if the pain will get worse.
I feel myself land, on somethig soft. The pain is gone. It's replaced by a voice inside me. The darkness around me is sucked inside me and I no longer feel.
Around me is a place. A sunset sky and a horizon. Slowly the sky is torn and words are carved into it.
Just my mind, not real life. I must be dreaming.Inside me is a feeling of loneliness and helplessness. I cry out for help. I cry out for someone. Anyone. But I am alone
ALONE

Orchidée noire

Dad ...

You’re not my dad, not even close, not even a little, not even at all.
A dad is supposed to be in his daughter’s life !
You’ve abandoned me… I was so young, too young.

You’ve cut me out of your life, now you have a new home, you’ve drawn a family portrait, where you smile, but I can’t see me there, I haven’t my place in it.

Sometimes you wanna know how I go, but most of the time you don’t care at all.
You appear and you desappear, and it hurts much more than if you were gone forever.

Please…leave me. I wanna live my life ; I don’t wanna think of you all the time

Maybe one day, I’ll come to you, but not now.
I just need time,
Time to grow, time to forgive, time to be stronger
But especially, my heart needs time to heal.

I love you, that’s normal…
I love my father.
But Hate is growing in me
I can almost say
I hate my dad.
I’m afraid of this feeling, and that’s why I need time …

Love, Hate… so near
Between a dad and his daughter.


Orchidée noire

you

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I’d love you to love me
I’m begging you to beg me
Please ...
Just care about me

I love you, but you love her.
I wanna be in your arms, but she is.
I’m dreaming of you, but you’re dreaming of her.
I don’t want to talk about it, ‘cause there’s nothing to say about,
I love you, that’s all.
I can’t change that, I wish I could…
I just want to cry in front of you, and tell you I wanna be with you.
I LOVE YOU, that’s all.


Orchidée noire

angels n' devils

God knows even angels fall
It’s a secret that no one tells
One day it’s heaven
One day it’s hell
And it’s no fairy tale
That’s the way it’s supposed to be
...
It’s got devils
It’s got angels
Sitting on my shoulders


Orchidée noire

luv'

JE VOUS AIME !

Envie de crier haut et fort à quel point je les aime,
Mes elles réelles, mes amies tout simplement
Elles, sans qui je ne serais plus vraiment la même,
Elles, avec qui j'ai partagé tellement de moments.

Parce que même si je n'ai pas encore trouvé l'amour,
L'amitié est là, déposant des étincelles dans mon cœur
Qui ne cesseront de briller, à jamais, pour toujours,
Et qui donnent à ma vie ce si bon goût de bonheur.

C'est à leurs cotés que je sens me poussée des ailes,
Sans tout ce qu'elles m'apportent, je cesserais d'exister
Mon sourire se redessine quand je suis près d'elles,
Elles font partie de moi, jamais je ne pourrais les oublier ...

Orchidée noire

Scars

Je suis en train de pêter un cable,
Je n'en peux plus de tout ça,
C'est insupportable.
Tous ces sentiments, ces illusions brisées, cette peine,
Je les libèrent en m'ouvrant les veines...
Mon coeur est en train d'exploser,
Je ne peux plus me contrôler,
Je vois déjà mon sang couler,
Je suis tellement désolée...
Je pleurs et je crie en même temps.
Je ne peux pas faire autrement,
Je suis si triste...
En voyant ces plaies, je me hais,
Parler, avant j'en étais capable,
Il y a des moments où il faut arrêter d'être raisonnable...

Orchidée noire

Save me...

I'm scared of my dreams, scared of the dark of the night, scared of me...
Ce soir, j'ai en tête des milliers de choses, des mensonges, des vérités, des joies, de peines, des amours, des renaissances, des échappées, des retombées, des mots...
C'est la complexité de l'existance, l'entremêlement du passé, du présent, et du futur ; tout devenant passé, tout devenant larmes et sang.
Les fous sont sont qui sont incompris par les autres. Mais quand on ne se comprend pas soi-même, qui sommes nous ? J'ai envie que tout devienne clair, mais je sais que ce n'est pas si simple. J'ai envie de ressembler à une image, vivant toujours la même chose, ne pas penser, et enfin respirer.
Je suis quelqu'un qu'on pourrait qualifier en crise d'adolescence. Je vais bien puisque je suis fonctionnelle, mais je m'ensevelis sous les tâches multiples pour eviter de penser, alors estce que je vais vraiment bien ? Dois-je croire ma tête ou les autres ? Ceux qui me contredisent ou ceux qui ne veulent pas m'aider ?
Dois-je vivre ou juste laisser les choses aller et probablement me tuer ?
Rien ne me hante, mais c'est tout en même temps.
Et ce que j'écris perds graduellement son sens, comme ma volonté, comme tout ce que je suis...

Black Orchid

Hurt

Je ne sais pas quoi dire
Mon coeur crie et mes larmes coulent
Je ne sais pas quoi dire
Ma tête roule
Ma langue n'a pas le droit de parler
Estce que tu me comprendras un jour ?
Je ne sais pas quoi dire
Il y a plusieurs mots mais je n'arrive
plus rien à prononcer
Il y a plusieurs gestes mais je n'arrive
plus à m'exprimer
Il y a ...
Qu'estce que je peux faire ?

Je ne sais plus quoi dire...


Black Orchid