How am I suppose to live ?

Tears of anger
Tears of hate
Tears that show my terrible fate
Tears that hide
The feelings that lay
Beneath the surface of my head
Feelings that want to escape
Yet they remain
Here with me
Trapped in my head
And they drive me insane
They make me wish I was dead
I used to be able to unleash
The pain that tormented my soul
Scraping the surface with a pin
When the blood came the pain went
It went back into my soul
Where it would remain
Until the next time I lost control
Then it would brake
Through the mask that I had to create
To make people think that I’m ok
When deep inside I scream and cry
And go insane
While the pain slowly eats away
At the part of me that wants to live
Then I need to unleash
The pain before it eats
Through the surface
While it silently creeps
To my brain
And drives me insane
Then the hate starts to show
And the tears start to flow
Rivers streaming down my cheeks
While I try to fight
And keep them inside
But I’m too weak
The pain controls me
And I scream and shout
And bang my head against the wall
And beg for the release that I need
The physical pain that will send
The pain that lives in me
Back down to my soul
But deep inside I know
The release will never come
For I can never break
The promise that I made...

Orchidée noire

Je me comprends plus...

Everyday I wake up hoping to die, but truly all I can really do is cry.
The little voice insides says “grab the knife and do it!” but my friends would never let me go trough with it.
You can hold the feeling inside any longer, you grab the knife and start to ponder.
As you sit there on the bathroom floor, you wait and wait and wait somemore.
Finally, you put the knife to your wrist, as you clench the memories in your fist.
“Do it, Do it” is all you hear, you feel a little pinch of fear.
You slide the knife across your wrist, little by little the memories will leave from your fist.
Your almost done, you’ll end being no one.
There you’ve done it, you fought that battle of fear and won it.
It’s over now there is no more, as you lie there on the blood covered floor.

Orchidée noire

I've lost you...

Papa, refais surface, je t'en prie
Je ne sais pas combien de temps me laissera la vie
Il faut que je te vois avant de basculer
Sinon les années passées ici n'auront servies à rien
Ton sang est le mien
Laisse moi te connaître
J'ai besoin de ça pour renaître
On est des inconnus l'un pour l'autre
Mais j'ai besoin de toi
Tu sais, je suis toujours vivante
De plus en plus tremblante
Je suis sans repères
Je ne sais pas où aller
Je veux faire partie d'une famille
Je t'en supplie, du plus profond de mon âme...

Every scar has its story
Standing naked,
I feel that truth...
They stand in mute testament
To the agony within,
There for all to see...

Orchidée noire

Mal à en crever...

De seconde en seconde
Mon coeur se déchire
Je fonds comme une bougie en cire
Mes pensées partent à la dérive
Mes pleurs forment une rive...

J'ai dû dresser un mur
Avec plein d'armures
Autour de mon coeur...
Et tout ça, à cause de tes ratures !
Tu m'as laissé
C'est toi, la cause de mes blessures...

Il y a des jours où on voudrait juste disparaître...
J'ai perdu l'envie de vivre
Je me sens seule
Je me sens mal
Plus rien n'a de sens
Tout va de travers
Je voudrais partir
Loin...

Orchidée noire

Life of pain...

So lost…
What should I do?
So now you’re gone
I’m alone…
“People always leave”
I think it’s true
Everybody leaves one day
Some just sooner than others
Dreams…
It’s so easy to dream
And so hard to live
I thought I knew you
But I don’t
You’re not the same than before
You’re lying, to me, to everybody
Especially to YOU
But there’s still truth in your lies
You said you were here for me, forever
That’s true, but not in a good way
I wish you’d leave me alone
I need to be alone
I need to find me, find my way
Who am I?
Why am I here?
Please, do me this favour
I beg you
Leave me…

Orchidée noire

Beautiful lie, perfect denial...

Bloody tears fall from my eyes
After I faced all your lies
Will you please heal these wounds
Take the light and cast it away
One day all this pain will fade
Covered in scars of hate
Was this really my fate ?
Covered in scars of your hate
It doesn't matter anymore
I'm covered in scars of my hate
When I bleed I know it's to late...

Every one has secrets
Mine are on my wrists
He left me a gift
With every lie he told me, I cut
So for everything he said, I have a cut and a scar
He said he'll never hurt me, one scar done
He said he cares, one more scar
He said he'll always be there, yet another scar
Every lie, ever cut
I won't blame him.
But he'll blame himself forever.
He will find me dead...

Orchidée noire

Sick of myself

Tears gush like they never did before
Dams of sadness bursting and pouring in torrents down my face
Suddenly, it all stops. Again, I feel divided from my feelings
They tumble and roar within me, but I'm restricted from letting
them emerge
Bound from expressing how I feel on the inside
I try to show it on my skin
Sharp quick slashes with the razor
Retracing the blade - deeper and deeper
Now it's blood I'm crying
Screaming to the world, Fuck you! I'm not ok!
The etchings on my forearm, the slices on my legs
They all cry, Help me
My eyes remain dry...

It's hard not to be haunted by our past. Our history is what
shapes us... what guides us. But at some point, it's what makes us
fail...fall
There are 2 kind of wounds.
The new ones, witch are horribly painful.
And the old ones, that should've healed years ago but never did.
Most of our wounds heal. But some of them don't.
Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut's
long gone, the pain still lingers.

Orchidée noire

Where has my heart gone ?

Sometimes, people are afraid of dying
Fear of death
But in my case, it’s not the same fear…
I’m not afraid of death, I’m afraid of life!
I’m afraid of my past, future and present
My past is haunting me
My future scares me, because I don’t know if I have one
I don’t know if I can stand any longer
I have so many promises to keep…
But I can’t, it’s too hard
Living isn’t a choice but dying is
My heart is frozen, and full of scars
I’m unwanted on this earth
I wish I could just disappear
I’ve made so many mistakes
I have no excuse, I know but
I feel so empty, so broken
I haven’t the strength to continue
I’m suffocating
There’s blood on the floor
I’ve betrayed you, I’m sorry…
I’m gone now…
I’ve given up

Orchidée noire