How am I suppose to live ?

Tears of anger
Tears of hate
Tears that show my terrible fate
Tears that hide
The feelings that lay
Beneath the surface of my head
Feelings that want to escape
Yet they remain
Here with me
Trapped in my head
And they drive me insane
They make me wish I was dead
I used to be able to unleash
The pain that tormented my soul
Scraping the surface with a pin
When the blood came the pain went
It went back into my soul
Where it would remain
Until the next time I lost control
Then it would brake
Through the mask that I had to create
To make people think that I’m ok
When deep inside I scream and cry
And go insane
While the pain slowly eats away
At the part of me that wants to live
Then I need to unleash
The pain before it eats
Through the surface
While it silently creeps
To my brain
And drives me insane
Then the hate starts to show
And the tears start to flow
Rivers streaming down my cheeks
While I try to fight
And keep them inside
But I’m too weak
The pain controls me
And I scream and shout
And bang my head against the wall
And beg for the release that I need
The physical pain that will send
The pain that lives in me
Back down to my soul
But deep inside I know
The release will never come
For I can never break
The promise that I made...

Orchidée noire